Alma 14:6-7

6 And it came to pass that Zeezrom was astonished at the words which had been spoken; and he also knew concerning the blindness of the minds, which he had caused among the people by his lying words; and his soul began to be harrowed up under a consciousness of his own guilt; yea, he began to be encircled about by the pains of hell.

7 And it came to pass that he began to cry unto the people, saying: Behold, I am guilty, and these men are spotless before God. And he began to plead for them from that time forth; but they reviled him, saying: Art thou also possessed with the devil? And they spit upon him, and cast him out from among them, and also all those who believed in the words which had been spoken by Alma and Amulek; and they cast them out, and sent men to cast stones at them.

It says he became 'encircled about by the pains of hell'- yet I have to believe that was somehow a spiritual experience. It somehow led him to cling to the truthfulness of what he felt and knew to be right. What else, but the Holy Spirit, could have caused him to say he is guilty, to publicly defend the servants of God, and to plead their cause from that point on, but the Spirit?

So it must be that guilt can be a divinely inspired gift of The Spirit (not Satan). Right? Why would Satan want us to feel godly sorrow to the point of repentance? But I also know Satan distorts everything that's good and God given. I suppose it's the despair and shame that come from the adversary for they certainty don't come from God.

So, if I understand this right, God allows us to feel sorrow and remorse- which is guilt- to help our hearts to desire to change. Satan destroys that which is good by twisting remorse into despair, and sorrow into shame, hopelessness and agonizing darkness.

It must have been a sense of light that caused Zeezrom to do what he did- not darkness right??? Only. I'm not quite sure I fully understand, and these thoughts may not be completely right because I know what is about to happen to Zeezrom when he goes home.

So I have to ask myself, is Zeezrom's fever and anguish of spirit caused by guilt and sorrow? Or shame, despair and hopelessness? Is satan trying to influence him AS the spirit is working in his heart? Is he feeling one spirit or the other? If so, which? Or is it both?

In short, I guess my question is- what does true repentance look and feel like? And is there a line, that can be crossed, that can change or attempt to destroy, our spiritual progress? How must we guard our emotions, when true sorrow is part of the process? How do we know where the emotional line is, if there is one? Aren’t emotions free for the feeling? Or must we manage them?

Deep questions for the asking and pondering today.

I feel that Zeezrom, in this moment, was being enlightened - he was seeing things as they really are. He saw truth, which was painful. So pain, even the pains of hell, can be a good thing? Honesty, truth, vision and clarity, though painful - are good. Jesus went through the pains of hell as He atoned for our sins. Was He having a spiritual experience? Was it the will of God - and therefore- good? Yes.

But I still need to strengthen my hesitant testimony about all of this. Much to learn and know, that I don’t yet fully understand.